ALICE'S
ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND
Lewis Carroll
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CHAPTER VIII
- The
Queen's Croquet-Ground
- A large
rose-tree stood near the entrance of the garden: the
roses growing on it were white, but there were three
gardeners at it, busily painting them red. Alice thought
this a very curious thing, and she went nearer to watch
them, and just as she came up to them she heard one of
them say, `Look out now, Five! Don't go splashing paint
over me like that!'
- `I
couldn't help it,' said Five, in a sulky tone; `Seven
jogged my elbow.'
- On
which Seven looked up and said, `That's right, Five!
Always lay the blame on others!'
- `YOU'D
better not talk!' said Five. `I heard the Queen say only
yesterday you deserved to be beheaded!'
- `What
for?' said the one who had spoken first.
- `That's
none of YOUR business, Two!' said Seven.
- `Yes,
it IS his business!' said Five, `and I'll tell him--it
was for bringing the cook tulip-roots instead of onions.'
- Seven
flung down his brush, and had just begun `Well, of all
the unjust things--' when his eye chanced to fall upon
Alice, as she stood watching them, and he checked himself
suddenly: the others looked round also, and all of them
bowed low.
- `Would
you tell me,' said Alice, a little timidly, `why you are
painting those roses?'
- Five
and Seven said nothing, but looked at Two. Two began in a
low voice, `Why the fact is, you see, Miss, this here
ought to have been a RED rose-tree, and we put a white
one in by mistake; and if the Queen was to find it out,
we should all have our heads cut off, you know. So you
see, Miss, we're doing our best, afore she comes, to--'
At this moment Five, who had been anxiously looking
across the garden, called out `The Queen! The Queen!' and
the three gardeners instantly threw themselves flat upon
their faces. There was a sound of many footsteps, and
Alice looked round, eager to see the Queen.
- First
came ten soldiers carrying clubs; these were all shaped
like the three gardeners, oblong and flat, with their
hands and feet at the corners: next the ten courtiers;
these were ornamented all over with diamonds, and walked
two and two, as the soldiers did. After these came the
royal children; there were ten of them, and the little
dears came jumping merrily along hand in hand, in
couples: they were all ornamented with hearts. Next came
the guests, mostly Kings and Queens, and among them Alice
recognised the White Rabbit: it was talking in a hurried
nervous manner, smiling at everything that was said, and
went by without noticing her. Then followed the Knave of
Hearts, carrying the King's crown on a crimson velvet
cushion; and, last of all this grand procession, came THE
KING AND QUEEN OF HEARTS.
- Alice
was rather doubtful whether she ought not to lie down on
her face like the three gardeners, but she could not
remember ever having heard of such a rule at processions;
`and besides, what would be the use of a procession,'
thought she, `if people had all to lie down upon their
faces, so that they couldn't see it?' So she stood still
where she was, and waited.
- When
the procession came opposite to Alice, they all stopped
and looked at her, and the Queen said severely `Who is
this?' She said it to the Knave of Hearts, who only bowed
and smiled in reply.
- `Idiot!'
said the Queen, tossing her head impatiently; and,
turning to Alice, she went on, `What's your name, child?'
- `My
name is Alice, so please your Majesty,' said Alice very
politely; but she added, to herself, `Why, they're only a
pack of cards, after all. I needn't be afraid of them!'
- `And
who are THESE?' said the Queen, pointing to the three
gardeners who were lying round the rosetree; for, you
see, as they were lying on their faces, and the pattern
on their backs was the same as the rest of the pack, she
could not tell whether they were gardeners, or soldiers,
or courtiers, or three of her own children.
- `How
should I know?' said Alice, surprised at her own courage.
`It's no business of MINE.'
- The
Queen turned crimson with fury, and, after glaring at her
for a moment like a wild beast, screamed `Off with her
head! Off--'
- `Nonsense!'
said Alice, very loudly and decidedly, and the Queen was
silent.
- The
King laid his hand upon her arm, and timidly said
`Consider, my dear: she is only a child!'
- The
Queen turned angrily away from him, and said to the Knave
`Turn them over!'
- The
Knave did so, very carefully, with one foot.
- `Get
up!' said the Queen, in a shrill, loud voice, and the
three gardeners instantly jumped up, and began bowing to
the King, the Queen, the royal children, and everybody
else.
- `Leave
off that!' screamed the Queen. `You make me giddy.' And
then, turning to the rose-tree, she went on, `What HAVE
you been doing here?'
- `May it
please your Majesty,' said Two, in a very humble tone,
going down on one knee as he spoke, `we were trying--'
- `I
see!' said the Queen, who had meanwhile been examining
the roses. `Off with their heads!' and the procession
moved on, three of the soldiers remaining behind to
execute the unfortunate gardeners, who ran to Alice for
protection.
- `You
shan't be beheaded!' said Alice, and she put them into a
large flower-pot that stood near. The three soldiers
wandered about for a minute or two, looking for them, and
then quietly marched off after the others.
- `Are
their heads off?' shouted the Queen.
- `Their
heads are gone, if it please your Majesty!' the soldiers
shouted in reply.
- `That's
right!' shouted the Queen. `Can you play croquet?'
- The
soldiers were silent, and looked at Alice, as the
question was evidently meant for her.
- `Yes!'
shouted Alice.
- `Come
on, then!' roared the Queen, and Alice joined the
procession, wondering very much what would happen next.
- `It's--it's
a very fine day!' said a timid voice at her side. She was
walking by the White Rabbit, who was peeping anxiously
into her face.
- `Very,'
said Alice: `--where's the Duchess?'
- `Hush!
Hush!' said the Rabbit in a low, hurried tone. He looked
anxiously over his shoulder as he spoke, and then raised
himself upon tiptoe, put his mouth close to her ear, and
whispered `She's under sentence of execution.'
- `What
for?' said Alice.
- `Did
you say "What a pity!"?' the Rabbit asked.
- `No, I
didn't,' said Alice: `I don't think it's at all a pity. I
said "What for?"'
- `She
boxed the Queen's ears--' the Rabbit began. Alice gave a
little scream of laughter. `Oh, hush!' the Rabbit
whispered in a frightened tone. `The Queen will hear you!
You see, she came rather late, and the Queen said--'
- `Get to
your places!' shouted the Queen in a voice of thunder,
and people began running about in all directions,
tumbling up against each other; however, they got settled
down in a minute or two, and the game began. Alice
thought she had never seen such a curious croquet-ground
in her life; it was all ridges and furrows; the balls
were live hedgehogs, the mallets live flamingoes, and the
soldiers had to double themselves up and to stand on
their hands and feet, to make the arches.
- The
chief difficulty Alice found at first was in managing her
flamingo: she succeeded in getting its body tucked away,
comfortably enough, under her arm, with its legs hanging
down, but generally, just as she had got its neck nicely
straightened out, and was going to give the hedgehog a
blow with its head, it WOULD twist itself round and look
up in her face, with such a puzzled expression that she
could not help bursting out laughing: and when she had
got its head down, and was going to begin again, it was
very provoking to find that the hedgehog had unrolled
itself, and was in the act of crawling away: besides all
this, there was generally a ridge or furrow in the way
wherever she wanted to send the hedgehog to, and, as the
doubled-up soldiers were always getting up and walking
off to other parts of the ground, Alice soon came to the
conclusion that it was a very difficult game indeed.
- The
players all played at once without waiting for turns,
quarrelling all the while, and fighting for the
hedgehogs; and in a very short time the Queen was in a
furious passion, and went stamping about, and shouting
`Off with his head!' or `Off with her head!' about once
in a minute.
- Alice
began to feel very uneasy: to be sure, she had not as yet
had any dispute with the Queen, but she knew that it
might happen any minute, `and then,' thought she, `what
would become of me? They're dreadfully fond of beheading
people here; the great wonder is, that there's any one
left alive!'
- She was
looking about for some way of escape, and wondering
whether she could get away without being seen, when she
noticed a curious appearance in the air: it puzzled her
very much at first, but, after watching it a minute or
two, she made it out to be a grin, and she said to
herself `It's the Cheshire Cat: now I shall have somebody
to talk to.'
- `How
are you getting on?' said the Cat, as soon as there was
mouth enough for it to speak with.
- Alice
waited till the eyes appeared, and then nodded. `It's no
use speaking to it,' she thought, `till its ears have
come, or at least one of them.' In another minute the
whole head appeared, and then Alice put down her
flamingo, and began an account of the game, feeling very
glad she had someone to listen to her. The Cat seemed to
think that there was enough of it now in sight, and no
more of it appeared.
- `I
don't think they play at all fairly,' Alice began, in
rather a complaining tone, `and they all quarrel so
dreadfully one can't hear oneself speak--and they don't
seem to have any rules in particular; at least, if there
are, nobody attends to them--and you've no idea how
confusing it is all the things being alive; for instance,
there's the arch I've got to go through next walking
about at the other end of the ground--and I should have
croqueted the Queen's hedgehog just now, only it ran away
when it saw mine coming!'
- `How do
you like the Queen?' said the Cat in a low voice.
- `Not at
all,' said Alice: `she's so extremely--' Just then she
noticed that the Queen was close behind her, listening:
so she went on, `--likely to win, that it's hardly worth
while finishing the game.'
- The
Queen smiled and passed on.
- `Who
ARE you talking to?' said the King, going up to Alice,
and looking at the Cat's head with great curiosity.
- `It's a
friend of mine--a Cheshire Cat,' said Alice: `allow me to
introduce it.'
- `I
don't like the look of it at all,' said the King:
`however, it may kiss my hand if it likes.'
- `I'd
rather not,' the Cat remarked.
- `Don't
be impertinent,' said the King, `and don't look at me
like that!' He got behind Alice as he spoke.
- `A cat
may look at a king,' said Alice. `I've read that in some
book, but I don't remember where.'
- `Well,
it must be removed,' said the King very decidedly, and he
called the Queen, who was passing at the moment, `My
dear! I wish you would have this cat removed!'
- The
Queen had only one way of settling all difficulties,
great or small. `Off with his head!' she said, without
even looking round.
- `I'll
fetch the executioner myself,' said the King eagerly, and
he hurried off.
- Alice
thought she might as well go back, and see how the game
was going on, as she heard the Queen's voice in the
distance, screaming with passion. She had already heard
her sentence three of the players to be executed for
having missed their turns, and she did not like the look
of things at all, as the game was in such confusion that
she never knew whether it was her turn or not. So she
went in search of her hedgehog.
- The
hedgehog was engaged in a fight with another hedgehog,
which seemed to Alice an excellent opportunity for
croqueting one of them with the other: the only
difficulty was, that her flamingo was gone across to the
other side of the garden, where Alice could see it trying
in a helpless sort of way to fly up into a tree.
- By the
time she had caught the flamingo and brought it back, the
fight was over, and both the hedgehogs were out of sight:
`but it doesn't matter much,' thought Alice, `as all the
arches are gone from this side of the ground.' So she
tucked it away under her arm, that it might not escape
again, and went back for a little more conversation with
her friend.
- When
she got back to the Cheshire Cat, she was surprised to
find quite a large crowd collected round it: there was a
dispute going on between the executioner, the King, and
the Queen, who were all talking at once, while all the
rest were quite silent, and looked very uncomfortable.
- The
moment Alice appeared, she was appealed to by all three
to settle the question, and they repeated their arguments
to her, though, as they all spoke at once, she found it
very hard indeed to make out exactly what they said.
- The
executioner's argument was, that you couldn't cut off a
head unless there was a body to cut it off from: that he
had never had to do such a thing before, and he wasn't
going to begin at HIS time of life.
- The
King's argument was, that anything that had a head could
be beheaded, and that you weren't to talk nonsense.
- The
Queen's argument was, that if something wasn't done about
it in less than no time she'd have everybody executed,
all round. (It was this last remark that had made the
whole party look so grave and anxious.)
- Alice
could think of nothing else to say but `It belongs to the
Duchess: you'd better ask HER about it.'
- `She's
in prison,' the Queen said to the executioner: `fetch her
here.' And the executioner went off like an arrow.
- The
Cat's head began fading away the moment he was gone, and,
by the time he had come back with the Dutchess, it had
entirely disappeared; so the King and the executioner ran
wildly up and down looking for it, while the rest of the
party went back to the game.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
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Chapter
IX
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